We all know that the basic elements of emotional and physical health include sufficient sleep. And most of us know the cost of insufficient sleep: being cranky, short tempered, not at our analytical or decision-making best. But did you know that insufficient sleep – a chronic and widespread condition – leads to lapsed ethics?

If you did not have time to read this Sept/Oct 2018 issue Harvard Business Review article because you were sleeping, here are the highlights. Sleep Well, Lead Better, by Christopher Barnes cites the research. We’ve all cheated on our sleep “bank” for short periods, but the cost of chronic sleep deprivation is high. The widespread results include, “poor judgment, lack of self-control and impaired creativity.” One study by the Center for Creative Leadership found that leaders are even worse off than average; only 58% get more than the recommended minimum of six hours a night. That means more than 40% of those who are in positions to make important decisions and judgments are physically poorly equipped to do that.

Evidence

You know the risks of driving when too tired, and that’s because reflexes and judgment are impaired. One time when I flew many hours and landed in another time zone still with an hour to drive in my rental car, I was pulled over for “weaving in the lane.” Despite my fatigue, I had the sense not to argue with that description, which vaguely struck me at the time as safe enough and not particularly illegal. I didn’t get a ticket, but the experience did change my flying habits. If I have to drive after I land, I make an earlier flight.

Anecdotally, we see the coffee consumption, in our neighborhoods, on our commute and at work. One client I had was reviewing perks and made the difficult decision to increase the medical co-pay that employees would incur, and while they were at it, attempted to eliminate free coffee. That was the issue that employees would not tolerate. The caffeine stimulant was a must.

And think about someone you run into and ask, “how are you?” The answer so often is “busy,” or “tired,” “overwhelmed” or “out of pocket,” (whatever that means?) So even before this research data was published, we had the sense that sleep deprivation was an issue.

Not only does fatigue mean that you are maintaining an unnecessary risk profile, anxiety and depression are also increased.

Costs of Sleep Deprivation: Ethics

The cost of sleep deprivation is not just that you will be impatient and be seen as a poor leader with poor judgment, it is also that those who work for you will follow your lead.

And here’s the scary part: an outcome of sleep-deprived poor judgment is that ethics become compromised. There’s a domino effect too: managers who are sleep deprived send messages to staff that sleep doesn’t matter. Christopher Barnes’ research demonstrates that those same managers, who are sleep deprived, rate their staff as “less likely to do the right thing. Lack of sleep is directly linked to lapses in ethics.” Self-control (or what Emotional Intelligence researchers call self-regulation) is key to whether people can resist temptation, such as falsifying receipts or claiming credit for work done by others. And that is linked to fatigue. See this HBR article.

Furthermore leadership becomes erratic, so colleagues cannot tell whether you will be approachable. Whether you woke up on the wrong side of bed. Barnes’ research indicates boss-employee relationships are damaged, with sleep deprived leaders being more impatient, irritable and antagonistic. More likely to publicly humiliate or abusively criticize. The increased risk goes unnoticed by the leader. When bosses became abusive, naturally employees disengage. Thus leaders’ ability to motivate others was damaged as well.

Remedy

The good news is the remedy to sleep deprivation is clear. That doesn’t mean it’s easy. In fact, for some it requires a lifestyle change. It may require a reevaluation of values. The only solution to overload is to admit what will not get done. Set priorities and do what matters most. Better to choose a small list with deliberate intention, than a long list that requires working into the night and creating poor results. This commitment involves structure and discipline, but the rewards are significant.

In the extreme, some companies foster naptime. Tony Hsieh, CEO of Zappos has installed a nap room. He himself is a proponent of naps. Check out their website for details. www.zappos.com. He has installed an aquarium with arches where recliner chairs can tilt back, providing the relaxed employee with a peaceful view of fish swimming. After a 20-minute power nap, they are refreshed and reinvigorated.

For Your Quality Sleep

There are also some tips on what not to do as a leader, to avoid the risk to ethics that sleep deprivation can exacerbate. Here’s Christopher Barnes’ list of healthy sleep habits.:

1. Consistent bedtimes
2. No devices laptops, cell phones, or TV in bed or anywhere after 9:00 PM
3. Cease cigarettes or alcohol hours before bedtime
4. Exercise early in the evening or in the day, not right before bed time

For Your Leadership Effectiveness:

• Don’t brag about your lack of sleep as a badge of honor. Not only are you hurting your own well-being, it sets the wrong message for your team: that unhealthy habits are expected in order to be considered a top performer.
• Don’t indicate that you expect others to engage in this unspoken sleep-deprived competition
• Don’t email staff at night, which conveys an expectation of a response
• Don’t make a hero out of those who consistently work late

Conclusion

Remember, you will not be aware of the impact of too little sleep on your own behavior. So commit to at least six hours of sleep a night, and be sure to accept feedback of those near you if they observe you being erratic. Remember that managing ethical behavior takes self-control, which is enhanced with sufficient sleep and other self-care such as exercise and nutrition. And you may find your company is even more successful.

If you are able to zoom out using your Witness lens, you may be able to notice if others are responding to you differently even if you can’t notice your own behavior. Are they avoiding you? Declining to engage in healthy discussion? Holding back information? Then you can zoom in with the Feeling lens and assess your own physical and emotional state. Are you feeling victimized, overwhelmed, burdened and under recognized? These are signals you are not being informed by your own emotional data.

Take responsibility to create changes that are within your control, and distance from circumstances outside of your control (weather, traffic, headline news). Then using the Feel lens, zoom in to how others in your orbit may react to a curt or biting response you give before you give it. And finally, zoom in to the Act lens to choose behaviors more aligned with your intention and your values. For more on the four lenses and how they can help in self-awareness and decision making, see my book Zoom Leadership: Change Your Focus, Change Your Insights.

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Whether it’s a commitment to fitness or friendship, new habits need to have a payoff to endure.

Here’s a habit you may come to love – and keep. It is pleasant and the benefits will quickly be evident. If it makes you a little uncomfortable, just don’t tell anyone. Just do it.

At the end of each day, write down (this is important) what went well, and what you brought to that situation that had it go well. What skills, abilities, and insights of yours contributed to that great outcome? My executive coaching clients report that everything goes better when they remember to do this simple reflection habit.

Why Focus on Leadership Strengths?
My executive coaching clients are high achievers, who have successful careers by continuously looking for ways to improve. Therefore, they often balk at reflecting on strengths. Doesn’t a focus on strengths build complacency? Arrogance? No. Here’s why a focus on strengths is beneficial.

1. Gifts
Great athletes often discount their natural abilities. They were just lucky. But they brought focus, discipline and rigor to that natural gift to advance the gift even more. Good singers may discount their skill, attributing it to a lucky break or good genes. But if they want to make that their main focus, they embrace and build on that gift.

In leadership, your gift may be something not commonly found in a resume. Are you great at synthesizing dissimilar ideas? Selecting outstanding executives who amplify the overall effectiveness of the team? Noticing what is missing in a forecast? Fostering constructive debates without offense?

For example, an executive coaching client I’ll call Ryan tried this. At the end of the days that he remembered to do it, he felt better about his day, and noticed that he was good at delegating and following up to ensure staff knew expectations, and to course-correct if there were things that changed or needed to be revisited. Previously, when he delegated he was inconsistent about follow up. Upon reflection, he noticed how much it helped the results. This awareness reinforced his commitment to consistent follow-up.

2. Skills
Neurologically, new neurons branch off of existing neurons. We know this anecdotally as well. A new skill must come from a known solid foundation. That’s why a focus on strengths builds competence. You have to have a good vocabulary to write a coherent report. You have to understand motivation to inspire customers and employees. You need to know how to read a financial statement to interpret a company’s trends. New skills are built off old skills. If you discount them (oh that – I’m just naturally good at it) then you don’t have the concrete elements of that strength in view, from which to leap to the next level. When you focus on those skills, pretty soon you find yourself applying them in new ways. Our brains are naturally curious and strive for that next level of challenge.

A client I’ll call Alexis had a tough feedback session with one of her staff. She realized that she waited until she was clear about what was problematic, and delivered the criticism quietly, privately and unapologetically. What she did well was hold a hard line on a problem that had been recurring, and still was able to be motivating not alienating. That reflection helped reinforce the strength of getting clear with herself and with staff. It brought into focus that being clear is not being mean, but rather, effective.

3. Culture
A continual focus on what else is on your personal list of weaknesses drains energy. Focusing on the faults of others drains their energy and motivation too.
When you build the habit of focusing on strengths, you naturally begin to see others through that lens. You bring more attention to noticing your team members’ strengths. That attention builds positivity in a team. Team members begin to build that habit with each other because it becomes the norm. We are generally more motivated by positivity than criticism.

4. Innovation
Innovation results from creativity, which flourishes in a positive environment. Creativity generally results from feeling confident enough to explore. An abrasive environment results in people spending energy being wary, defensive, and circumspect. Covering their tracks, or creating work-arounds to achieve what they see as a better result.

In a positive environment, a roadblock becomes a motivating challenge. A setback becomes a rallying cry for others to pitch in and solve a problem. A hurdle requires regrouping to try out several new options and experiments.

A client I’ll call Julie reflected on her strength with customers. She is great at relationship building. She decided to innovate on her own strength by bringing staff to client meetings, even though their role was not client facing. It was not in their job description, or necessarily among her expectations for them. Yet thinking beyond their normal scope to introduce contact with clients reinvigorated them, gave them a broader view of their contribution, their clients, and a greater appreciation for building their own relationship skills. Everyone can benefit from improved relationship skills.

5. Progress
With a focus on improvement and strategy, we sometimes lose track of the progress we’ve made. A reflection habit brings into focus how much more skilled you are than a year ago, or how much has been achieved since a year ago. That reminder energizes you for the next new challenge.

Don’t Worry About Arrogance
Arrogance results from parading achievements to cover for insecurity. Competent leaders who know their strength don’t need to hog the spotlight with self-aggrandizing comments or worse, take credit for others’ contributions. Rather they know that greater outcomes result from the combined efforts of a team that is motivated, creative, collaborative and engaged. Leaders who are clear about their own strengths are less likely to be self-centered. They know the truth of their abilities, and welcome those who bring complementary skills. It becomes second nature to appreciate the contributions of others.

So take a fearless inventory of what you do well. Try this new reflection habit – you don’t have to let others know you are appreciating yourself until you reap the benefits in higher energy, a more motivated team, and more creative results. Then you may want to encourage others to try the habit.

Acknowledgement
Many thanks to Perry Carrison who first shared this tip for daily reflection of what went well.

More ideas
For more ideas on evaluating strengths, explore the four lenses in my book Zoom Leadership: Change Your Focus Change Your Insights.

The post A New Leadership Resolution You Can Keep appeared first on Transformation Management.

I am fortunate to work with talented committed executives in my coaching practice. After all, leaders who engage in leadership coaching are those already aware of their strengths and dedicated to improvement. These leaders are continually striving to increase emotional intelligence, expand their skills, take on bigger responsibilities, and develop leaders who work for them.

We know the benefits of good leadership: employees are more motivated, creative, committed and productive. As most leaders know, fostering conditions for employees to be empowered in this way is no longer regarded as “soft.” That’s because those attributes result in companies that are more profitable. Having a great boss is an essential element to a good quality of life. It is not a stretch to recognize the ripple effect on personal lives, families and communities. A positive result which benefits us all.

Most of my leader clients have at some point worked for a manager who was not so effective, or they may have promoted managers who were not up to the task and ended up being abrasive, abusive or inconsistent, and had to be reassigned. In other words, they know what a bad boss is. But recent research reveals a curious nuance.

Unpredictable
What is curious is that those employees with an unpredictable inconsistent manager perform worse than those who have a consistently negative relationship with their manager.

Some research focuses on leader qualities and attributes. Allan Lee’s research on inconsistent managers aggregates research on follower attitudes. In other words, he looks at what happens to an employee’s commitment, productivity, and creativity based on their reaction to their manager’s behavior. Follower information is not regarded as objectively accurate in these studies but rather, correlated with their own subsequent behavior. If their attitude is positive, how do they act? If they are fearful, how do they act? If they are uncertain of the reaction of their manager, how will they act?

Not surprisingly the answer is they are less productive, less engaged, and more cautious.

This is consistent with David Rock’s work on NeuroLeadership. He developed a model based on research showing what happens in our brain during interactions. His findings point to caution as being a hallmark of environmental biology. Over millennia, those who were vigilant to perceived threats tended to survive long enough to pass on their genes. Those who were bold and risk taking, maybe did not.

Uncertainty creates anxiety. Rock’s article in the NeuroLeadershipJournal notes, “Even a small amount of uncertainty generates an ‘error’ response in the orbital frontal cortex (OFC)… [which] cannot be ignored. Until it [uncertainty] is resolved, it is difficult to focus on other things. Larger uncertainties, like not knowing your boss’ expectations or if your job is secure, can be highly debilitating.”

Uncertainty is debilitating. Especially as it relates to a manager’s predictability. This helps explain why a consistently poor manager is less stressful than an unpredictable one. But with today’s high employment rates, and employees willing to change jobs for better opportunities, neither situation is good for business.

Case study
One client, I’ll call Riley, had a strong relationship with his manager for many years. Small startups often put managers in charge of more than one area. In this case, Riley managed Finance and Human Resources. Being an HR professional in my earlier career, I’m always alert to this organization structure. Finance has an obligation to not only report on revenue and expenses, but to do what they can to control expenses. While cash flow management is important to continued survival, companies do not grow only on expense management. Capital investment in equipment, new product development, salaries and commercial space are essential to growth, as any executive knows. Growth is the result of prudent investments; investments are necessary.

Human Resources on the other hand typically has a different charter: recruit, retain and grow the talent within. All of those activities are associated with initial costs, and, managed well, result in huge savings and return on investment. For example, an increase in retention saves on recruiting, orienting and training costs, not to mention the overwork and overtime of staff who pitch in while a position is vacant.

Over time, the company grew and the job outpaced Riley’s ability to manage both functions. Riley had outgrown the dual role, and had significant competence in only one of these areas: Finance. As the company grew, he was unable to provide adequate oversight to HR, and began being criticized for the results of that part of his department. His HR manager saw the role as more strategic and holistic than he did, and was therefore eager to report to the growth-oriented CEO, not finance. The more Riley’s manager asked for different results, the more stressed and anxious he became. This resulted in his becoming inconsistent, a natural result of stress and anxiety. To compound that problem, the more stressed he became, the less open he was to feedback. In the end he was given the opportunity to manage just the Finance department, but chose to leave instead.

Causes
One source of inconsistent effective leadership is not enough sleep, as cited in my last blog. Sleep deprivation caused managers to be more abusive, less inspiring. When leaders demonstrate positive emotion, subordinates feel good. When leaders are sleep deprived, they spread the impatience and negativity. Christopher Barnes cites research that individual managerial behavior can vary significantly from day to day. This difference is often due to the quality and quantity of a manager’s sleep.

What helps
• Leaders: be aware that those who manage up don’t always manage their staff as effectively
• Be attentive to reports of inconsistent behavior, which may come from different staff
• Provide support for managers to be successful; help them navigate competing priorities
• Make time for mentoring; share your own successes and mistakes and learnings
• Insist on good leadership; don’t delay intervening when you observe erratic behavior
• Support a culture of mutual support which helps mitigate the stress of uncertainty

Resource
For more on becoming aware of your reactions and their impact on others, see my book Zoom Leadership: Change Your Focus, Change Your Insights. The chapter on the “Feel” lens highlights ways to zoom in to what feeling might impact behavior. In this example, Mary’s boss could get closer to the anxiety he may feel about late comers to a meeting, perhaps realizing he was anticipating his own boss’ judgment of him and his staff for being late. Zooming out of his feeling, he may realize that Mary’s lateness was a very small element in the list of things affecting his emotional state. Zooming in on the feel lens, he might consider the impact on Mary, and assess whether there is a better way to convey his reaction, whether it was intended to be a criticism, or whether it was just a nervous habit on his own part. Zooming out in the feel lens, he might review the tone of the team he wants to create, reflecting on what team spirit he want to foster, and how can he best create that.

The post What’s Worse Than a Bad Boss? appeared first on Transformation Management.

Emotions Are Information
Let’s not confuse emotional self-regulation with the stoic disregard for human feelings, both one’s own and others’. The ability to not flip out is a proven element of strong leadership. This does not mean emotional experiences should be swept under the rug. Rather, it means effective leadership requires being aware of them and reflecting on the sources, meaning and response options. Emotional reactions are a source of information and wisdom.

Leaders who are afraid to notice their emotions are blocking a valuable source of information. Leaders will not refuse to read a balance sheet to enhance their effectiveness or because they are afraid of the bad news, but they may disregard an emotional reaction. Those reactions do need to be tempered with a pause for reflection and to ensure that one’s old worn paths are not inappropriately being activated in a situation that does not currently call for an extreme reaction. With some vigilance, impulsive reactions and comments of the blurt and hurt variety can be managed, without losing the benefits of awareness.

Recurring Insults
Familiar situations — for example, not being given due credit or being left out of an important decision — can be an uncomfortable reminder of previous situations where credit or inclusion was unfairly withheld. Feelings of exclusion can be painful: We are social beings whose connection to others is essential for survival. But today’s situation needs to be considered on its own merits and context, without the unconscious energy boost of past injustice or hurt.
Instead, leaders need to notice the feeling and even notice the exaggerated feeling. A little reflection may lead to wondering, “What does it mean? Where exactly is that emotion anchored in the body?”

Leaders who lack this awareness can inadvertently foster mistrust if their expression and emotion and are not appropriate to the situation.

Gut Reactions
I remember the first time my own executive coach asked me this, many years before I became a coach. I had no idea where a feeling was. And I didn’t know what use it would be, even if I could find it. In my tense shoulder? In my pressured head? In my beating heart?

But over the years, my own heightened awareness of the physiology of emotion led me to be more familiar with the meaning of those signals. I became better able to translate them and follow the emotional thread back to the cause. Sometimes the source was so minor, such as a traffic scare or an unreturned call, that I could immediately clear my body’s tension and my mind’s distraction. That empirical evidence of my experience, coupled with reading up on neurological research presented in layman’s terms, has changed my mind.

I have learned that feelings actually start as sensations in the body. The expression “gut reaction” has scientific proof. There are neurons in the stomach and heart just as there are in the brain, and the signals transmit in seconds. Knowing your physical reaction to an emotion is a secret code that you can learn to decipher. It’s pretty easy once you tune in, but tuning in requires a new habit of thinking.

It was also beneficial for me, as an executive coach supporting stressed executives, to be clear of lingering reactions or vulnerable triggers. It’s my role to be present with those leaders. Being aware of emotions is a valuable channel of knowledge; being able to clear those emotions when they are not relevant simply makes me more effective.

In my book Zoom Leadership, I recommend being aware of emotion as well as altering your perspective by zooming in, closer to the feeling to be sure you are not discounting or denying it. Zoom out to get some distance and context and evaluate the reaction against the circumstances to determine its value in that moment. This ability to change your focus breaks the spell that a strong feeling might have.

What George Washington Taught Us
We don’t know whether George Washington disregarded his own feelings to achieve the emotional control that characterized his leadership. We don’t know if he was aware of it. We do know about his results and the tribute that towns across the country pay him in street signs, school buildings and statues. We can combine the knowledge of his accomplishments with new information about neurology and emotions. Those leadership qualities are no longer regarded as static character attributes — they are success skills that can be learned through awareness.

Published in Forbes 11/15/18

The post Why Being Aware Of Your Feelings Is Key To Outstanding Leadership appeared first on Transformation Management.

Lincoln understood that customizing leadership meant understanding someone’s style and expertise, and also their goals and interests. He took into account what they cared about, what their position was on an issue, and incorporated that into a proposed decision. He excelled at allowing differences of opinion to be expressed, so that when a decision was reached the team would support it publicly, their disparate views having been considered in advance. He was not afraid to consider an entirely new idea.

For example, having been pondering and considering the Emancipation Proclamation for months, he was at last determined to publish it in July 1862. But when one of his team recommended postponing it, he took that new possibility to heart, despite his conviction and new impatience. That delay enabled him to exercise another leadership quality: being just ahead of public opinion but not so a far that others couldn’t grasp or accept the leadership direction. Now we might call that ability to tune in to readiness and timing “pacing”. In July many Union soldiers were fighting for a united country and did not want that confused with, or would not have joined a war that was fought to abolish slavery. A few month later the tide had turned such that some had had a change of heart in favor of abolition and others were brought along by the groundswell of public support.

Lincoln’s Leadership Lessons Today

That approach can inform leaders about handling change management. Leaders spend a long time and a lot of information gathering on a change management initiative whether it’s a merger, reorganization or new strategy direction. Respecting readiness while still providing direction to followers is an important element of implementing change. Lincoln was not afraid to be ahead of the curve and at the same time respect others’ positions and ability to follow.

Let’s look at a few examples of how those qualities translate into today’s leadership environment. A client I’ll call Ryan had spent time and attention getting to know the managers on his team. He knew where they lived, how many children they had, and in some cases other details such as elderly parents, or upcoming vacations. He understood personality style differences and had applied himself to learn and understand preferences in perception, and in decision making styles. There was a brewing difference among his team about taking on a big new client that would represent a large percentage of their revenue. On the one hand, more revenue is always good. On the other hand, some of his team felt they were not staffed to take this on, because it required knowledge not only of a new geographic area but of a new technology.

Rather than taking these opposing views at face value, he dug deeper. The “yes lets” team envisioned not only the big new win, but follow-on business in the region with nearby prospects. The “hold back” group represented concerned for adequate training, promises on aggressive deadlines, and insufficient staffing at current levels. They wanted to ensure quality and happy customers.

It’s easy to get distracted by the details of each of those positions, but digging deeper, Ryan helped his team see that both were invested in the future success of the company. He found the common ground. While his tendency was to take on the new client, he respected the “hold back” team’s commitment to quality and meeting commitments. He was about to force acceptance of the contract on his team to meet the quarterly quota when one of his managers recommended a one month delayed start date and a one month delayed implementation deadline. During those delays new hires would be recruited and trained. Although there were disappointments on both sides, that was a plan the whole team could support.

Flexible Communication

At a time when famous people talking to a crown was among the forms of entertainment, Lincoln adapted. He was able to endure political debates that extended for 8 – 10 hours@! He could hold forth. And he was also masterful when it came to quick wit. At one debate an angry heckler accused him of being two-faced. Goodwin quoted his reply, “if I had two faces do you think II would have chosen this one?”

A more somber message, the Gettysburg Address, changed the course of history in just four minutes. Goodwin speculated that the convened crowd may have been surprised by his brevity.

Leadership Lessons

• Demonstrate perseverance, managing emotions, and self-reflection, civility, decency and empathy
• Incorporate style differences among your team as well as disparate outcomes.
• Allow for disagreement
• Adapt communication

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Take Susan. She was on a steady growth path, with her responsibilities expanding every few years. Her education was augmented by the school of hard knocks: She had been demoted by a new leader following a reorganization, despite her expertise. This made her strive to be more perfect instead of inquiring about and developing the additional skills she needed to work on. She had a high turnover among her staff because she was demanding. She expected a lot of herself, worked long hours and felt exhausted. The harder she was on her staff, the less they tried and the more she worked. That’s the price of perfection.

The other problem with perfection is that it’s focused on the future. The focus is on what must happen in the future, or what might not, happen that is stressful. But the present is where one can find awareness and acceptance of what is. The present is the only place that progress or change can be made. Being present is a great place to experience successes and even setbacks.

Perfection, if it doesn’t result in self-deception, sets up a perpetual source of stress. The continuous stress of this self-judgment reduces effectiveness and performance. A perfectionist continually moves the target, even once an outcome seems to have been achieved because perfection can’t be reached. Leaders with this kind of ongoing stress are much more likely to infect others with their stress, which negatively affects their staff and even customers.

Executives who strive for improvement and self-acceptance instead of perfection are more likely to grow and be a little more fearless. Self-acceptance doesn’t mean complacency or being satisfied with the status quo; it means being in a state of humble curiosity and willingness to learn while accepting that not everything can be known or can succeed. The striving for awareness and learning are both generative: They generate aliveness and growth. Continuous improvement, as long as it’s combined with humility, curiosity and humor, is beneficial to growth, not stressful.

Another cost of perfectionism is the inevitable micromanagement approach: trying to control outcomes by controlling others. Effective management involves accountability for outcomes and clarity of direction, as well as monitoring and follow-through. These approaches lead to clarity. Micromanagement, on the other hand, stifles motivation and creativity, leaving staff underutilized and demoralized and leaders overworked.

Perfectionism seeks to avoid failure and prevent a negative outcome. Negative motivators like these can initially jump-start a change in behavior. For example, a heart attack can prompt a new fitness commitment, or a job loss can prompt self-reflection. Conversely, continuous improvement and lifelong learning are positive motivators. A positive motivator is more enduring. If you want something to happen as a positive desirable outcome, it’s more motivating and more long-lasting than trying to avoid a negative result. One client recently said, “It feeds me,” about that kind of motivation.

Perfectionism encourages people to hide their mistakes and weaknesses, which leaves others without sufficient information on obstacles. One of my clients developed a “Guide to Maureen” so her staff would know her strengths, preferences and priorities. Providing staff with information that orients them is humanizing and respectful. Even acknowledging areas for her leadership growth invites others to pause for self-awareness and contemplation of self-improvement. In other words, if Maureen knows where she’s vulnerable to criticism or insecurity, then she may be more compassionate toward others’ weak spots. If staff know that she accepts herself yet strives to grow, they can be more honest in their interactions. This gesture of transparency goes a long way toward making expectations clear, rather than unfairly expecting staff to determine the unspoken. In fact, Maureen cheerfully admits this with a sign in her office that says, “The mind reader interface has not yet been developed.”

In Rising to Power, author Ron Carucci takes this one step further and encourages leaders to “give others permission to name your triggers when they appear.” He writes: “Most people are notoriously bad observers of their own reality, and this holds especially true for executives. Most aren’t sufficiently self-aware to recognize when something has triggered them … ”

In summary, try these approaches to move away from the destructive forces of perfectionism:
• Reclaim humility and humor.
• Commit to lifelong learning, including learning from mistakes.
• Accept your humanity, including weakness.
• Strive for continuous improvement through curiosity.

Originally appeared 10/9/18 in Forbes online

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Leadership Learning

Due to the growth of his restaurants, Rob Evans developed leadership skills which enabled him to move out of the kitchen. He was motivated to learn how to be a good leader to keep serving more customers. Working with consultants from GISC, he deepened his commitment to quality workplace by honing his own management skills. In order to delegate more effectively, he arranged for his managers to develop their leadership skills further as well. Despite a natural tension between the front of the house and the kitchen (in other industries, that tension is between operations and sales) his retention rate is unusually high, over 80% of employees have been there over five years.

Entrepreneur: Return to the First Love

Now in addition to Duckfat, Rob has been called by his love of cooking back to the kitchen. Entrepreneurs are creators and risk takers, and by building a strong management team, Rob was able to consider what else he wanted for his role. Prior to opening Duckfat in 2006 with his wife Nancy Pugh, they owned and managed a high-end restaurant, Hugo’s. So he knows a range of restaurant offerings.

This new opportunity provides space for a production kitchen to support the high volume in the small space of Duckfat. In addition, he has a creative new offering: Duckfat Frites. It is located next to a Brewery, Oxbow, where customers can buy a beer and then order Belgian style Frites to go. The production space is new, the informal partnership with a brewery is new, and the take-out window for Duckfat Frites is new. Entrepreneurs thrive on creativity and all leaders need to find ways to tap into innovation and make time for activities which are energizing.

His motivation? “I wanted to be back in the kitchen, and developing my managers enabled me to do that. Duckfat serves up to 800 customers a day, in peak season. In order to be able to serve that many people, and coordinate our 40 employees, we need a good management structure and systems. We have worked hard to create that. Now I’m ready for a return to the hands-on work in the kitchen.”

Transplanting Culture

The new location, Duckfat Frites, has its own culture. Initially Rob thought it would be a copy of their successful Duckfat culture, but the nature of the work they do, the location and the space have combined to create something different. Still good, still positive and connected, yet with its own flair.Culture is hard to transplant, as any company which has been through a merger can attest. What did transfer was the positive spirit and collegiality.

Keeping Vibrant

Some leaders find the move into management to be satisfying expansion of skills, and discover a new passion for strategy, developing others, and leveraging impact. Others long for their prior kind of work, where they had expertise and more hands-on satisfaction. Either one can represent career advancement and development. I’m a fan of playing to strengths, and spending time and energy where there is creativity and passion. That plus focus translates into success, on either path. Some fortunate leaders like Rob Evans find a way to combine both.

Some executives ask, how do I know which would be better? As an executive coach, I have seen that self-reflection has a big payoff. It’s important to nourish what is enlivening, whether that’s through growth, expansion, diversification or a return to your first professional love. For those who invest in reflection and self-awareness, it’s even possible to combine both.

Originally appeared in Great Leadership by Dan 09/13/18

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Imagine that you were always comfortable. That would mean you’re not getting lost, being exposed to new ideas, designing a new product, or meeting a room full of strangers. It probably means you haven’t given a speech to prospects, or even moved recently.

Are there benefits of being uncomfortable? In fact we go to great ends to avoid this experience, whether it’s checking the weather forecast or traffic report to know what to expect or make contingency plans. Or calling ahead to find out who will be at a meeting to determine what kind of preparation will be needed or what tone it might take. Other practices to increase comfort: caffeine is designed to boost our attention and make our morning more comfortable, wine may be there to unwind at the end of the day, to make us more comfortable.

As an executive coach, I am often working with managers promoted to new higher levels of responsibility. The subsequent stress level can be stimulating or draining. It depends on the leader’s outlook, on the information and skill gap that needs to close, and on the culture. The biggest source of stress is when there is a great deal expected of you, and no control over whether you will perform well. This finding is based on John Medina’s very readable Brain Rules about how our brains work and how to optimize learning. Learning is innately joyful, unless the consequences for not knowing are oppressive in the process.

Take a client I’ll call Alex. I provided executive coaching with him on and off over many years when his job changed through promotion. At each promotion he was striving to gain his bearings, meet new staff and colleagues, learn new information about the segment of the company and customers he was newly serving, and set a vision for his group. Part of the executive coaching goals at each engagement were for him to become resilient with the unknown. Leaders have an appropriate commitment to establishing credibility and connections, dive into information, and understand budgets. To be informed. But leadership roles are not static and real confidence comes not from certainty but from being able to be uncomfortable with the unknown. Yes you read that right.

Unknown
Sometimes a natural disaster or criminal disaster calls on a leader to provide a leadership presence. This was the case with a client I’ll call Sean, CEO of a software company that had been rocked first by an acquisition and then by a disaster. In planning his presentation to all staff the next day, he reflected, “nothing prepares you for this.” That simple acknowledgement let him know the only course of action was to create a credible presence through his own awareness and principled leadership. Leaders do not often have to deal with the magnitude of this kind of disaster, and when they do, they cannot draw on their own experiences, and don’t have the time to call on others. It’s in those moments that leadership shows up: acknowledging the challenge, sharing what is known, sharing what is not known, and outlining next steps and a vision for the future. Sean had that approach, and even his tremulous voice did not detract from the impact of his message, but rather, conveyed to all that he was as shaken as everyone else. Yet he was still able to convene the group, show up, share the loss, and the concern, and convey confidence in their collective resilience moving forward.

Resilience
Self-compassion is a source of renewal, a personal battery recharge. A communication model developed by Marshall Rosenberg, NVC, advises awareness of feelings; feelings result from needs being met or not met. An executive moving up the ranks is bound to make mistakes if not in substance then in tone or style. She is bound to be facing the unknown. Rather than have that result in a free-floating anxiety or blame-seeking behavior, self-compassion and acceptance of the feeling without rushing through it is paradoxically calming. Leaders who are equipped to be resilient are not going to deny facts and reality, whereas those who have a fixed certain plan which might be disrupted by new information, can end up shooting the messenger or in other ways be unable embrace discomfort. Executive coaching can provide a forum for this kind of awareness.

Paradoxically those who are willing to be uncomfortable find more peace and equanimity. The rapids are dangerous but with appropriate attention and flexibility, propel one’s boat forward to the calm.

Expert Learner
The path to advancement for those leaders who are willing to take on the challenge, involves accepting the discomfort of being a learner despite deep expertise, motivated to achieve new levels of understanding, followed by the willingness to once again be uncomfortable by not knowing. Ironically the higher level the position, the more the role requires, on an ongoing basis, embracing the unknown. The more senior the leadership role, the less of the job is reliant on expertise and knowledge. Real leadership is the process of continually finding one’s balance, being willing to be destabilized, and flexible enough for that to provide new learning and understanding.

Embracing discomfort leads to informed risk taking. Eventually then, confidence comes from competence and expertise, as well as acknowledging the discomfort that is at the edge of new learning and leadership innovation.

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