Katherine was in an assistant leader role, with a challenging boss. She had worked at the company for many years and Albert had been her boss for the last six. There were days when she knew she made a valuable contribution, but other days she was haunted by a sense of her diminishing presence. Albert had reduced the areas of her job where she felt she brought the greatest value, and increased the administrative project management tasks, which she found dreary and mind numbingly tedious. On top of that, she was annoyed with herself for tolerating the job day-by-day. She experienced this willingness to tolerate a bad situation as a betrayal of herself. She had allowed it to seep into her self-esteem, mistaking diminished responsibilities as a comment on her self-worth. She called it “I made myself small.”
Reluctantly Katherine realized it was time to confront her own thoughts about the situation. It’s important to spend time witnessing oneself – being aware of self-judgments and allowing the swirl of confusion. Too often leaders push through that with seemingly productive actions, which short-changes the valuable reflection. Stay in the discomfort of feeling and witnessing. It offers wisdom and insights.
I encouraged Katherine to reflect on the positive feedback from her colleagues, and from her prior jobs, which was part of her narrative. When she could pause the self-criticism, she remembered what she loved about her profession, and what had brought her to her current job. After doing a deep dive on her disappointments, we brought the spotlight back to her successes.
Disappointments carry valuable information, and should be explored for what they have to offer. But staying in a disappointed stressful state prevents creative problem solving or deep soul searching. Katherine decided to assign herself daily journal writing, focusing on what she does well. Every day she would write things she loves about her profession, her talents and gifts, and a satisfying moment in the day. Gradually she started experimenting with suggestions of projects that enlivened her, while meeting Albert’s main expectations for her role. Not all of the recommendations were accepted, but the mere fact of proposing them led to her feeling less helpless. The occasional endorsement kept her going.
When you find your spotlight is stuck on what’s wrong with your job, experiment with a new perspective:
- Reflect on your career narrative. How did it begin, how did you overcome obstacles?
- Identify skills and strengths that others have appreciated, even if you didn’t count them.
- Propose a meeting or project that would enliven you, whether it is in your current job scope or not.
- Find a way to add value, even if your favorite way to add value is not currently available.
- Write in a journal about successes.
Learn more about how to move your spotlight and gain perspective in my new book, Zoom Leadership: Change Your Focus, Change Your Insights.
Also see When You Know More Than Your Boss.