This article first appeared in Forbes online 01-22-18.
“Stay positive” is a popular mantra. After all, what could be wrong with positive thinking?
A few things, actually — depending on the level of control you have over a given situation.
Take Anna, a software industry manager I’ve worked with who supervises five people in a demanding role where she interfaces with both clients and staff. She was experiencing a lot of stress and needed to take the occasional “mental health” day off. Clients were demanding, deadlines were tight and expectations for many stakeholders were high. She was struggling to remain positive and buoy the team.
When I asked why it was a struggle to remain positive, she confessed that one her staff members never completes her work in time for client meetings. Week after week, the staff member says, “I didn’t have time.” This was Anna’s tipping point.
Anna’s positive thinking was eclipsing this important information.
While it’s a good instinct to stay positive, if important information gets obscured, performance and results will suffer. Anna is a thoughtful and sensitive manager but realized that in the name of positivity, she has been tolerating a sub-par approach.
Although there’s a lot to be said for controlling our reaction to events and for being mindful, grateful and reflective, it’s also crucial to maintain a balanced perspective. At times, pure positivity makes a lot of sense, such as when we are faced with circumstances beyond our control. But when we do have control over all or part of a situation, pure positivity can prevent us from feeling our frustration or bewilderment. This is what happened to Anna. Yet these emotions are important signals, and heeding their messages will help us problem-solve and innovate.
Optimism
Optimism is an alternative, especially when we do have some control. Optimism opens up possibilities and does not sweep frustrations under the rug. According to the article “Optimism,” published by Gestalt Review in 2017, “Learning to see differently is what opens us up to new possibilities. This can only be done with an optimistic stance, one that leads to becoming friendly with confusion and old habits, instead of wishing to avoid or destroy them.”
Optimism creates positive energy and leads to asking questions. In contrast, positivity in the face of a stuck situation does not open any new possibilities up.
When we’re deep in the midst of a situation, it can be hard to recognize that positivity may be hindering, not helping us. But a simple technique I refer to as “zooming” can help leaders at all levels quickly reframe and view the situation from a fresh perspective by reflecting on it through four different lenses — thinking, acting, feeling and witnessing — and occasionally shifting back and forth from one lens to another. Doing so allows us to access new insights into a familiar scenario and change our approach.
Anna, for example, had zoomed too far out from her “feeling” lens, which is the lens that supplies us with self-awareness and all-important emotional intelligence. Thus, she had let her emotions shut down. This particular version of positivity actually constricted her insight and robbed her of the energy and options she needed to manage effectively. It then became extremely difficult for her to see things differently and shift away from the positivity that was keeping her stuck.
Ultimately, Anna was able to recognize this and use the more productive mindset of optimism. But first, she used the zoom technique to capture the image of her situation as if with a video camera, then zoom in close enough to inspect it under a powerful microscope and get in touch with the deep-seated discouragement and disappointment her positivity was masking — both hers and her client’s.
Here’s how other leaders can do the same:
Zoom into the feeling of positivity.
Bring the camera lens up close. Is your positive feeling genuine? Are you truly happy with the current situation? Are the disappointments you are experiencing minor? Have you successfully reframed a situation that is over or out of your control?
Then keep those feelings of positivity and let them flourish.
Ask whether the positivity vibe is eclipsing other, uncomfortable feelings.
If so, get closer to those feelings and identify them. Are they anger? Frustration? Annoyance? Fear?
Identify the source of the feelings.
Now, ask yourself what their source might be. Was it a meeting that just happened? Was a promise broken? Were you unfairly criticized? Now consider what other steps could be taken and other outcomes that would be more attractive.
Zoom out from the eclipsed feeling.
Zoom away from the feelings like anger that might be eclipsed by positivity and look at the bigger picture around them. Is this experience a consistent pattern or an exception? Does it have long-term consequences or a fleeting impact? Does the problem violate core values, or is it simply an annoyance? What strategies will help you move toward the things you want and value most?
Be curious.
Rather than judging what you have just learned and observed, be curious. Curiosity is the seed of optimism. Ask what a possible step would be in a new direction or what experiment might provide a new perspective or possibility.
By following these steps, Anna was able to unearth the underlying message her positivity was masking and address her colleague’s substandard performance. As she ultimately discovered, positivity is a declaration that locks us into a set thought process. Optimism is a promise that leads us to ask questions and see that there’s always one more action to try, one more thought to explore